The Urban Intellectual

When you hit rock bottom you still have a choice to look up, and get up.


Just a though to take you through the weekend.

Photo by Ron Tangen

We all know that arguing starts when people stop listening. You may be "hearing" the other person in a disagreement, but once talking turns into yelling the brain stops processing what's bring said and focuses on how it's being said. And we respond accordingly.

But it's what happens after the brief escalation of an arugument that really counts. Do your arguments turn into meltdowns or cool downs? Here's the difference.

The Meltdown

A meltdown is easy to recognize. If after you've fussed and (sadly) cussed, huffed and puffed, you can't remember exactly what caused you and/or the other person to blow up and you don't care, you're having a meltdown. If you still have 10 points that you just have to make before your heart rate can go back to normal, you're definitely having a meltdown. Even more than residual anger, a meltdown is characterized by the confusion you feel after exerting a ton of energy during a contentious verbal disagreement. Your pressure is elevated, but why? The boxer who gets in the ring and swings a thousand punches but only lands 300 feels the same way. Force doesn't win arguments.

The Cool Down

Just like the end to a carefully planned exercise, the cool down takes effort and precision. In the heat of the moment, someone has to decide to defuse the tension and return the conversation to purposeful dialogue. When you've shouted at the top of your lungs and pounded your fists, or the walls, but you're able to get back to the heart of the matter and address it, that's a cool down. When you understand why the argument happened and can identify what points you made (or tried to make) and what issues your heard the other person bring up, that, my friend, is a cool down. But it takes practice to master the art.

The Winner

The key to winning an argument is to understand what is being said. I guarantee you! Try this: during a heated discussion empathize with your opponents perspective or point of view. Offer examples or reasons that validate the claims they're making. And guess what? They'll shut up. The meltdown is where the brutes and the unrefined communicators end up. A cool down is how the pro expects to end the argument all along.

Never Underestimate the Ability of an Ant to Find Crumbs

So you're wondering, what does this have to do with people? Ironically, the characteristics of an ant mirror the behaviors of a lot of people, and you probably know a few. I know I do. "Ants" are people who turn the knowledge of sensational information into rumors, and literally eat it up – innocent-looking predators. But we'll allways have them, so it's important to understand how to deal with them.

"Don't change yourself for someone unless you're planning to be that person for the rest of your life."

This quote is courtesy of yours truly, and it's pretty simple: only change things about yourself that you can live with because you'll be stuck with the new you even after the person you changed for is gone.

Judy Garland makes it pretty clear in her famous quote, which I love: "Always be a first-rate version of yourself instead of second-rate version of somebody else."

Another week, another interview, you say. Not exactly! Meeting and interviewing CeCe Winans was more enjoyable than I ever could have imagined. She's very sweet and warm, but also downright hilarious. And whenever she's not talking, chances are she's smiling, and let me tell you – her smile looks like it cost a million dollars in person, too.

So to see more of our chat, you know what to do. Visit GospelPundit.com and let me know what you think.

And if you like the piece on CeCe, check out my recent in-depth talk with Fred Hammond, also on GP.

Prompted by the sudden death of my 24-year-old co-worker over the weekend, I decided to speak candidly on the topic of suicide and why the most important component to fighting depression is our perception.

I never imagined I would share such a personal account of my own life in the podcast, but people always respond well when I relate to the topics I speak about.

This may be the most important podcast I have recorded. Please share with anyone you know who is losing the battle of life. Speak Easy is available for free on iTunes, and you have the choice to download one episode or subscribe to the entire series, both past and future posts.

Remember: life is a battlefied and you either suit up and fight or you forfeit and retreat.

Listen to "Life is a Battlefield" below.

Our bodies need food to supply us with energy. Most people eat a couple meals a day, and in between there's the occasional snack. Nothing too heavy, maybe just a candy bar or -- if you're me -- chips and mango salsa, you know?

Our minds are the same way. Especially for creative folks like myself. As much as I enjoy writing, it gets dry at times and I need a quick burst of inspiration to get my juices flowing.

That leads back to my trip to San Diego for the NABJ convention last week. I was prepping for an interview, but couldn't come up with the intuitive question I thought I should ask. My growing frustration was making me hungry, so I picked up the fortune cookie I'd taken from a Chinese restaurant earlier that day.

But it wasn't the cookie I really needed, it was the words inside, which read:

"You have a charming way with words. Tomorrow, write a letter."

It was technically midnight, and I got the cookie the day before (technically), so I figured it was already tomorrow. I sat down and immediately typed an email to a friend I hadn't spoken with in a while, asking them how life was going, what they'd been up to and so on. Then it hit me: writing interview questions should be as natural as having a conversation with a friend.

Everyone thinks the key to an interview is drafting elaborate questions, when in fact, the key is to put your interviewee at ease and let them spill their guts, figuratively speaking. And that's what I proceeded to do. All it took was one sentence from a fortune cookie. Nothing to deep or involved. It was sort of like a mental snack.

Thanks to whoever wrote those simple and inspiring words. Now that I think of it, I never got around to eating the actual cookie.

A photo of me on the beach at Coronado Island

What a week it was. I traveled coast to coast, rubbed elbows with media elite, entertained the company of modern-day trailblazers, and interviewed another one of my favorite singers of all time for. Not to shabby for a full-time, part-time photojournalist, right?

Be sure to check out my in-depth interview with the architect of Urban Praise and Worship, the incomparable Fred Hammond. The candid conversation is featured on GospelPundit.com, where I was recently named Associate Editor.

Fred and I talk about Life in the Word, the first project on his new label, some new artists he getting ready to introduce and his plans to do a "straight-up" non-gospel album!

Check out the entire interview HERE!

Students protest the acquittal of Oscar Grants killer at a D.C. Metro station as police officers maintain order.

I’ve been holding onto the pictures for a few weeks…not on purpose, but I just forgot to post them.

On July 8, I stumbled upon a crowd of protesters at the Rhode Island Avenue Metro station in Northeast Washington, D.C. I realized immediately that they were protesting the acquittal of the BART police officer who was accused of fatally shooting 22-year-old Oscar Grant, an unarmed African American man, on New Years Day 2009.

As usual, I had my camera on my side, so I grabbed it and quickly captured some shots of the college students with their posters and billboards.

At first, I only intended to snap a few shots and then continue on to church for a service I was supposed to attend. But I was inclined to stick around for just a bit to see what else happened.

It wasn’t long before Metro police converged on the scene to maintain order. But this was incredibly ironic. Oscar Grant was gunned down after being confronted on a train platform by uniformed officers. However, these officers only wanted to make peace. The students were allowed to remain at the station and display their signs, as long as they agreed to do so off of Metro property – which meant anywhere in the parking lot or beyond.

I’ve included some shots below that illustrate what happened that afternoon; how the police and protesters were engaged in conversation initially and how they were completely isolated from each other by the end of the demonstration.

On some level, it seems, there is still a great divide between law enforcement and city residents, whether black or white.

This was the first thing I saw coming down the escalator.

The students asked police some difficult questions.

There were some lighthearted moments.

Protesters were allowed to continue their demonstration from the parking lot.  The great divide between police and citizens.